Accounting for the finitude of life
Accepting that which is yours and rejecting that which is not
अस्तेय … 苟非吾之所有 … يَغُضُّوا۟ مِنْ - all religions say the same thing, here I put some rudimentary thoughts to obey these commands.
I have a ruinous habit of roaming around in South Bengaluru every Saturday. During one such walk, a thought came unto me - one of these walks is also going to be the last one, assuming I can walk for 40 more years i.e. around 2000 more walks remain and I have already redeemed 40 or 2% of them. Two opposing voices occupied my head:
If it’s only 2000, is it even worth doing? I mean, not only is it useless but it is also too finite, so much ruin for so small a count. Should I just skip all of them?
If it’s only 2000, isn’t it worth doing? Each one of them is part of a very finite valuable experience, should I skip even a single one of them?
After many months of anxious tree-gazing in Jayanagar, I found both of these arguments valid with an acceptance that 1 is a priori while 2 is post hoc. 1 helps you to reject that which is not yours, 2 helps you accept that which is yours
The finitude of experiences is an empirical truth, we wish for infinity but the nature of reality is that it is finite despite the progress in science and in the age of abundance, I am faced with multiple choices at each step of life - choosing from 10 flavors of chips to choosing the specialization inside a specialization inside a specialization. This is where the first view is helpful, before making a choice, account for the finitude of your life and whether these choices are worth making at all. After making the choice, in accordance with point 2, defend, fight for and value your choice with full vigour.
How I apply 1:
I read 10 pages/day, 10 books a year i.e. 400 books in my short life so is this next title I’m going to even worth reading? If I want to improve my reading taste, the right time to pivot is from the next book because 400 is a small count, no time to waste.
Assume you don’t like the project you’re working on, if an average project lasts 6 months, you are only going to do 80 such projects in your short life. Do you really want to take no action and wait for the grace of your boss to give you some good work? Isn’t every single one of those projects very valuable to you since they’re only 80? Is just waiting and doing nothing even worth it?
You share your free time with people who were randomly given to you (hostel, home, office). Once again, do you not want to go out, find out and then share your time with people who align with your life goals since your free time is finite? Remember, Yamraj told Nachiketa to find out the best ones and learn from them (and IMO, not the low-effort random allocation to which he only owes duties but no rights). Coincidentally, Nachiketa himself said before Yamaraj, longest life is short indeed, how long will the pleasures last if life is itself so short?
How I apply 2:
After realization that number of books i read is numbered, I became much more mindful of my choice. I assigned some portion of my choices to random and popular taste out of respect to that which is unknown but the major portion is now books that help me with the problems i am facing or will face. But applying principle 2, I am much more respectful of the books I am actually reading because they’re part of a small set, smaller than the number of pebbles on my grave and because I so mindfully chose them. While 1 taught me to reject that which is not mine, 2 teaches me to accept and respect that which is my own. Out of millions, I chose this book and out of millions, this book chose me.
Since you’re only going to do 80 projects, isn’t it worth your while to take little risk for a year or two and change either your master or your skill? Instead of 80, you may waste a year or two and do 75 but aren’t 75 projects done with vigour much better than 80 done with avoidance? Catch up you will. Recently I started an open-source contribution and I could feel the difference about how i feel about it. I can sense the respect (though I’m constantly paranoid about its utility) about the repo and the folks maintaining because I chose it out of so many and it chose me out of so many. And now we both are part of each other’s journey, it’s name will be etched on my book of life and my name on its. I will only contribute to a few repos in my life and it is one of those few! (If you feel, I am being lunatic, let me remind you, this is how you will think of your family). Again, 1 allowed me to move on from that which is not mine and 2 allowed me to graciously accept that which i have decided to call my own.
As to last and contentious point, suffice it to say that just like you chose your life-partner carefully, chose carefully with whom your’re sharing your daily meals, your free time, your vulnerabilities, your ideas because your free time is exactly where you will think about and take most of your important decisions. One painful realization I had in my Jayanagar is go alone if you’re incapable of forming friendships out of scratch due to delayed adulthood for it is still better to be alone than to be in the wrong (not bad) peerage.
आ नो भद्राः क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वतोऽदब्धासो अपरितासउद्भिदः।